A Christian Response to Suicide
9/11/08
What causes people to commit suicide?
There are of course many reasons that people take the drastic step of choosing to end their own lives. People choose suicide when they are in the midst of extreme mental and emotional anguish. Very commonly a half-hearted attempt at suicide is made as a cry for help, where someone cannot see a way out of the pain they are feeling and so signal their need for help and the extent of their anguish with a sign that they despair of their life. A determined suicide attempt is made when the person considers themselves beyond help of any kind. They consider that the pain and the cost of living far outweighs the pain and cost of dying.
What causes such anguish of heart and mind? Some of the common causes include:
- Mental illness affecting the physical operation of the brain
- The effect of certain drugs including alcohol
- Stress and anxiety – feeling unable to resolve a significant problem
- Shame – fear of being discovered or exposed, or shame at having been exposed
- Lack of self worth – believing that you are worthless and a burden to others
- Loneliness or alienation – no-one would miss me, no-one likes me
- Hopelessness – being trapped in a situation with no apparent way out
- Guilt – being unable to forgive yourself for what you have done to others.
When the pain of carrying these things becomes more than a person can bear, and when they believe that there is no relief, the awful decision to end their own life can be the result.
How do people respond to suicide?
Some common responses include:
- A struggle to make sense of the suicide
- Anger
- Guilt over failed responsibilities, real or imagined
- Isolation caused by a sense of self-imposed shame
- Aloneness when others keep their distance
- Blame towards those perceived to have contributed to the suicide
- Awkwardness when others don't know how to respond
- Having to face the traumatic & sometimes unexpected nature of the death
- Difficulty accepting that the death was by suicide
- Fear that powerful grief reactions may not be normal
- Remorse over lost opportunity [1]
Physical reactions after a suicide
Along with the intense emotions can come a variety of physical or behavioural reactions to news of a loved one's suicide. These perfectly normal reactions may include:
- Crying
- Screaming
- Angry outbursts
- Physical collapse
- Emotions in the weeks after a suicide
More severe reactions may include:
- Nightmares
- Flashbacks
- Social withdrawal
- Avoidance of people who remind you of your loved one
- Repeated visual images of your loved one
- Sleep problems
- Concentration difficulties
- Lack of motivation
- Loss of interest in daily activities or hobbies
- Family conflicts
- Denial of emotional pain
What does the Bible say about suicide?
The Bible contains stories which feature people taking their own lives, but in each of these stories it does not comment on whether the actions were right or wrong, or what the consequences were in terms of their eternal destiny.
However the Bible speaks very strongly about the issues which surround suicide. Here is a very quick summary of what the Bible teaches:
Suicide is a Sin Against God
To take your own life is to reject the Lordship of Jesus over your life. God alone is the Author of life, and we are not to take it away from others or ourselves. God has a purpose for every life, and to end your life is to reject the purpose that God has for you.
We read in Romans 14:23 that everything that does not come from faith is sin. This means that in whatever we do, that if we know or suspect that God is not pleased with it but do it anyway, we are sinning against Him.
Of course, when people contemplate suicide they generally know that it is wrong, it’s just that it seems to be the only way out of their predicament – the only way to relieve their pain.
We are Saved by Faith not Works
Many people are troubled over the question of how suicide affects a person’s eternal destiny. We must remember that suicide is sin, and that the penalty for sin is eternal separation from God in Hell. We must also remember that the only way to avoid this punishment is to receive the forgiveness that God freely offers to anyone who believes in Jesus. Jesus said in John 5:24:
“I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life.” [2]
He also said in John 10:27-28:
27 “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.”[3]
Genuine Christians still struggle with sin (Rom 7&8). We struggle to trust God at times, and we struggle to submit to Him. Of course, suicide is a very extreme failure to trust God and submit to Him, and it is something for which people will give an account for (Heb 4:13), but the Bible never says that it is something which takes away the free gift of grace that God has given us in Jesus.
We don’t know how many times someone has chosen to trust God despite their anguish, before finally falling prey to their struggle. We don’t know how many ways they have served and honoured God in their lives, but God does. He will reward every believer according to what we have done not just in our final moments, but in our whole lives. In the same way we should not define someone by how they died, but by how they lived.
Jesus is Our Only Hope
The only way to overcome the issues that drive people to such despair is by placing our trust in Jesus as our Saviour and Lord. Romans 8:37-39 says:
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” c
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, d neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord[4]
Also in 1 Timothy 4:9-10 we read:
9 This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance 10 (and for this we labor and strive), that we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, and especially of those who believe[5]
No matter what the cause of someone’s mental and emotional anguish is, Jesus is the answer. He is the answer to guilt, shame, low self-worth, loneliness, drug addiction and even physical factors influencing suicide. There is no-one that He doesn’t love and can’t help. If you want to know more about how Jesus is the answer for your particular problem I will be happy to work that through with you.
When I say Jesus is our only hope I’m not saying that no-one else is involved. God has created community for support. He has gifted humanity with the ability to study and discover causes and cures for all sorts of ailments. He gifts some individuals with empathy and insight, others with skill in medicine, others with ability to encourage and so on. What I am saying though is that a relationship with Jesus is essential to real healing. Only Jesus can make us new on the inside. Only Jesus will one day give us new bodies as well so that we will be finally whole.
How can we help people who are suicidal?
As we have already established, Jesus is our only hope. How can we help people who are suicidal? We can point people to Jesus, and we can be Jesus for people. Of course, we can’t save people like Jesus can, but we can love them like He does. We can accept them like He does. We can encourage, and support and include and pray, because these are all things that Jesus does for people. As we do these things, Jesus is able to achieve His work through us, and just maybe others might come to put their faith in Him as we have.
But how do we know who is suicidal? We could talk about things to look for, although it is often only clear in hindsight. The Bible never tells us to wait until people are at that point though before we start showing love and concern. The Bible tells us to look out for those who are struggling, whether they are in prison or sick or poor or abandoned or alone (see Matt 25:31-46). Jesus showed us how to come alongside those who were guilty, ashamed or feeling worthless. Are there people around you who are experiencing mental and emotional anguish? What can you do to show the love of Jesus to them?
As well as loving all those around us we need to be a shining beacon of hope to the whole community. We need to be broadcasting the message that things are never hopeless: Jesus is the answer. Our reactions to hard times, the things that we talk about, the lives we lead must all point to Jesus. We must make it clear that He is our joy, our source of hope and life.
How can we help people impacted by suicide?
3 years ago I shared these practical steps to helping those struggling with grief, and they apply to grief over suicide as well:
- Discern your own emotional and spiritual condition. Take your own time to grieve if you need to, without being selfish and ignoring the needs of others. You may need to talk to someone close to you before you are ready to minister to others, especially if you are struggling with your own feelings of guilt, anger etc.. Be prayerful, asking the Holy Spirit to make you sensitive to His leading.
- Listen. Remember that people generally don’t need distracting or diverting. Don’t try get them thinking about, talking about or doing other things. Don’t fob them off with platitudes. Don’t try insulate them from the pain. Let them talk! Let them share their feelings, memories, fears and so on. Let them tell you what they need from you.
- Mourn with those who mourn (Romans 12:15). Crying or just being with someone in sadness is actually very comforting. It builds strength into relationships and lays a foundation for future ministry. It gives people permission to be sad, and not to rush through their grief. Survivors of suicide often feel shame, remorse, anger, fear and so on. Having someone around can not only be comforting but also reassuring.
- Help in practical ways. To people who are grieving, normal tasks can be very unappealing or too difficult. They can be overwhelmed by things that would normally pose no problem. Help out by cooking, cleaning, transporting, organising and so on. Ask what needs doing, and volunteer to do it. Don’t take on things that aren’t needed or wanted, just be sensitive as to what the needs are.
- Share the hope that you have. This can only be done with great sensitivity to the needs of the person. This is not usually an opportunity for you to make someone feel better, but rather an opportunity for them to wrestle with what they believe by asking questions of someone whose faith seems to hold fast in the trials of life. Sometimes all that can be offered is the reality of a God who cares and wants to comfort. Sometimes it may be reassurance that suicide cannot take away salvation.
[1] Excerpted from: Healing After a Suicide: the Legacy of Suicide: Caring for the Bereaved, by B.
Turley, Lifeline
[2]The Holy Bible : New International Version. 1996, c1984 (Jn 5:24).
[3]The Holy Bible : New International Version. 1996, c1984 (Jn 10:27).
c Psalm 44:22
d Or nor heavenly rulers
[4]The Holy Bible : New International Version. 1996, c1984 (Ro 8:35).
[5]The Holy Bible : New International Version. 1996, c1984 (1 Ti 4:9).
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